Are You Constantly Angry? Do You Find It Difficult To Control Your Anger?
Do you feel a strong sense of injustice in the world around you? Or do you find yourself often explaining your feelings and actions only to have your feelings dismissed or your choices invalidated? Do you catch yourself thinking how stupid everyone else is? Perhaps it seems like anger is the only way to get the results you desire. Do you feel impatient or easily provoked? Not respected? Do angry outbursts generate an almost drug-like high, but end in depressive, shame-filled crashes? When anger becomes difficult to manage, we can feel like we’re the “loser” in the scenario. “I am right, but I’ve lost because I’ve lost control.” Or we can feel like we are in complete control, but remain unaware of the abuse we’re inflicting on others.
Anger is a natural emotion. Like hunger, it tells us that we have to attend to a need. However, when we don’t know how to express it correctly it can be a powerfully negative force in our lives. Anger can impact our thoughts and feelings. Anger can damage relationships with loved ones, friends, and coworkers. Anger can damage our bodies and our health. Managing anger can oftentimes feel impossible, like we’re not in control of anything—even our own lives. And this can make us angrier.
Perhaps the anger is a result of previous exposure to someone else who could not manage their own anger. You may find it difficult to remember part or all of your early childhood years. You might sense that your words are sometimes being twisted in your interactions with others, almost like someone is trying to provoke your anger so they can be good and make you look bad. You might also “bottle it up,” using silence instead of anger because you fear the result of an angry outburst. Sometimes you might use silence and withdrawal just to punish someone (or make them see your pain). Do you repeatedly choose partners that interact with you in similar negative patterns? With similar emotional struggles? If so, you can improve your emotional well-being and can stop the transfer of anger and abusive patterns. Anger management counseling can help you.
Change can often result in resistance, especially if your anger is somehow linked to another person in a relationship. Often anger is a practiced pattern, and as damaging as anger is, some people may find comfort in its familiarity. Familiarity of this kind can lead to anxiety, depression, even addiction. Deep down you may be losing hope of ever being able to be close to someone without hurting or being hurt. In short, living with the inability to control anger deteriorates our emotional, physical, and spiritual health. The first step to managing your anger is the decision to change.
You don’t need to fear or avoid conflict, believing your anger will flare. You don’t need to use all of your energy trying to contain your internal anger response. And you don’t need to allow life situations that make you angry build to a breaking point. Anger management counseling can help you realize that trying to manage anger with a two-dimensional approach—bottle it up or explode—will only result in losing outcomes. I can help you understand not only where your anger comes from, but the many options you have in managing it. I can help you heal the wounding and shame you feel every time you hurt someone you love. You can set boundaries. You can reduce your interactions with others that lead to anger. You can express yourself without escalating the situation.
There is hope. I am a “recovering angry man.” I have lived the description above. I know the shame and hopelessness people feel when they have tried everything and there seems to be no way out. I have looked at my reflection and wondered if I could ever have relationships without destroying the ones I loved. I am a Christian counsellor and receiving God’s gift of healing for my anger was critical to my recovery from damaging anger. I have deep insight into personal anger, as well as the abusive relationships they were created in and can cause. I’ve gained this insight from my own personal and professional experience and training. I know the shame associated with conflicts between one’s beliefs and actions. I am comfortable and familiar with the values of Christians, and the struggles with being right. I deal effectively, sensitively, and without judgment to connect clients to God, Jesus, and the spiritual power to heal and change.
And for anyone who is wondering… I still have my angry moments. Now they are less intense, I am able to speak about my anger more clearly and less damagingly to myself and others, and I have meaningful, intimate relationships without years of backlogged anger and wounding.
I’ve dealt with anger issues my entire life. It’s too late to change, or it will take too long.
Change is a much better, healthier alternative than just “dealing with” anger. You can change to strategically focus on where and how you spend your energy, addressing root causes and solutions instead of just the symptoms of anger. Addressing root causes drains the energy and intensity out of your anger. These will be practiced skills, and will grow into a special skill set. It will be difficult, and there is no magic wand to wave that will achieve change for you. But the pain of uncontrollable anger is worse than the discomfort and challenge of change.
I may not be able to financially afford anger management counseling.
While finances are a legitimate concern, difficulty dealing with anger has other, less tangible costs. Can your relationships afford to bear the burden of your anger? Can your emotional constitution afford it? Can your physical health bear the strain? What about lost career, job, and business opportunities? Each person needs to invest in their own well-being. For some this is a fitness trainer, for others a lesson or course of study. Counselling for anger management is an investment in your emotional and relational well being. Like a house or a car we as people need regular investment and upkeep to maintain a state of good emotional repair.
I may have trouble managing my anger, but the anger comes from another person/people. I’m not the only one with a problem.
You may find yourself in a relationship with someone who triggers anger. It may even seem like they deliberately practice this triggering behavior to provoke you, knowing you’ll express your anger in an abusive way. This kind of codependency can be a means to justify or obscure their own emotional or social difficulties. However, it does not justify your angry outbursts. Relationships are not one sided; they are participated in. As you allow yourself to be provoked into anger you help maintain an unhealthy and painful relational system. When you choose to invest in yourself to change, your relationships can change too. There is no focus on blame. We will focus on solving problems and succeeding in relationships.